#SelfCareSunday: Solace In Solo Trips

Solitude. It can be a comfort for some while disconcerting for others. We can find a tremendous amount of our growth done in solitude, as we have space to unpack feelings and examine what's happening beneath the surface for ourselves. So often we are taught that our fun, safety, and even value is linked to our proximity to others.

As women and femmes, our desirability and worth is intrinsically linked to how we are perceived by potential masculine partners, or just how masculine people want to “consume” us: whether it is sexually, to exploit our labor, or to seek solace in the safe arms of a mother-like form.

One of the most liberating things a woman or femme can do is reclaim their independence by taking a solo trip. It may not sound like much, but it reinforces one’s confidence in their navigational abilities, being able to take care of their own needs without the help of anyone else, and their ability to entertain and be generally self-sufficient.

Here Are 8 Of The Best Things About Traveling Alone:

1. Make Your Own Itinerary

When you are traveling alone, you get to choose all of the things that you want to do. If you’re not an outdoorsy type, you don’t have to do it. Same goes for luxury indulgences: if you’re not a mani-pedi and cocktails kind of babe and a picnic at the top of the nearest summit is your thing, you can escape the city limits and do things at your own pace. It doesn’t matter what the activity is, you get to choose what you do, how you do it, and choose the pace. 

2. Do It At Your Own Pace

Much like making your own itinerary, doing things at your own pace is key, especially if you have mobility issues or other health concerns that may make it hard to keep up with the average able-bodied individual. No one is there to make you feel bad, be it intentionally or just an overall feeling of guilt from thinking you're holding a group up. Want to spend a day in a museum to truly take in everything that you can? Go for it! Need a day of Netflix and chill even though you’re in a new city? It’s okay to take that recovery time. You’re not “wasting” anyone else’s time and you get to choose what you want, when you want it.

3. Eat What You Want

If you are a gourmand like me, there’s a slew of restaurants that you want to try on each trip. Each city has its own food scene and it can be a huge part of your trip if you enjoy eating out. If you are a wonderfully well-restrained and thrifty person like my partner, you do not. Often times, this results in me chowing down somewhat uncomfortably while my partner either waits to eat something cheaper or has already eaten. One of the best parts about traveling alone? I can eat wherever I want, whenever I want — and I only have to worry about footing the cost of my own bill. There’s no whining about price, no consideration for others food preferences, and I can be completely selfish.

4. No One Else’s Needs - Just Yours

When you travel by yourself, you get to focus on your needs and recharge. There’s no dietary restrictions other than your own, no one else’s sleep or work schedules. You can eat what you want, dress how you choose, and do things as loudly or as quietly as you wish within your hotel room. If you’re on a roadtrip, you can pace things as you need to without being concerned about someone else’s bathroom schedule, too.

5. Your Own Music As Loud As You Want

If you find yourself on a roadtrip, music can be a key component. If you are traveling long distances, volume is often also key, but not everyone likes loud music. Luckily, a lot of couples' tastes in music overlap, but even then, they can clash. My need to bump Beyonce or Loretta Lynn is often in opposition to his desire to blast Rush or some other exhausting prog rock. When you are traveling by yourself, you don’t have to worry about that shit. Play what you want, when you want, as loud as you want.

6. Get A Bed To Yourself

If you are half of a couple, you may be sharing a bed too small for the two of you and crave space. While some folks have a hard time sleeping without their partner, this babe is not one of them. SPREAD OUT in your lovely hotel bed and take up space! If you are single and have been doing this for years, enjoy the fact that you may be sleeping on a different, nicer bed. Sleep as late as you want or wake up as early as you wish. Eat leftovers in bed while you watch TV. Rub one out if you’re in the mood. Do whatever the fuck you want!

7. Indulge In Expensive Things Since There Aren’t Two+ of You To Pay For

If you’ve got the bankroll for it, indulge in expensive things since it’s just you. Go for the top shelf cocktail instead of settling since you don’t have to worry about making this vacation money stretch for two. Get that mani-pedi by the pool if you’re at a bougie resort. Get your hair done for just YOU. Tack on those morning yoga classes to the vacation package. DO YOU! This is also a great way to indulge after a split or during tumultuous times in a relationship. Self-care can be a deeply emotional process, but it can also involve the shallow pursuits of things that you truly enjoy.

8. Easier To Make Friends When You Are Solo

If you are a social creature, it’s actually much easier to make friends when you are solo. People are often intimidated by seeing a couple or multiple people in a space, unsure of how to navigate the boundaries of coupledom and existing relationships. How many times have you been sitting somewhere and struck up a conversation with an interesting or friendly-looking person who is sitting there by themselves? Now, how many fewer times would it have been if they had been there with someone else? Take time to make friends on your vacation. You may be there by yourself, but you can learn about the area from locals and may even build lifelong friendships. If you’re single and vacationing on your own, let things develop organically. You may find yourself in the company of another babe looking to have a good time or perhaps something more serious. Vacation sex is awesome — hit it and politely (and considerately) quit it, or don’t if you’re into long-distance situations. Who knows what the city has to offer unless you allow yourself to be open to experiences?

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