Eliana Osborn is a writer and part-time English professor living with her family in Arizona. She spends too much time in the sun and will someday publish her novel in progress.

Eliana Osborn's Articles

Here Are Some Realistic New Year's Resolutions

I wanted to write a book last summer. Then I realized what a terrible goal that was and modified accordingly.
Eliana Osborn    |   12.30.16 12am   |   SHARE
I’m proud of you right now, even with all the sadness. Image: Thinkstock.

A Letter To A Mom Friend Heading To Rehab

I’m proud of you right now, even with all the sadness. Proud of you for heading to rehab, leaving the kids, the man, the house — all of it — to get on top of things. Doing it instead of just thinking... Read...
Eliana Osborn    |   08.3.16 12am   |   SHARE
Having to walk carefully to avoid wedgies? Not helping any of us be our best selves. Image: Thinkstock.

The Life-Changing Magic Of Buying The Correct Size

Size, like age and salary and whatever else, is just a number. Pretending numbers don’t measure things isn’t helpful. I’m 38 years old: That isn’t good or bad, but it IS different from being 18 or 50.
Eliana Osborn    |   05.17.16 12am   |   SHARE
When I left sobbing it wasn’t from a breakthrough — it was out of annoyance and hopelessness. Image: Thinkstock.

The Endless Search For The Right Therapist

I’m not broken by this therapy failure. Jane wasn't the person to help me at this point of my life. Someone else WILL be.
Eliana Osborn    |   05.12.16 12am   |   SHARE
Never leave him alone — in the pool, the bath, anything. Image: Thinkstock.

I Won't Hide My Son's Epilepsy, Even If My Husband Disagrees With This Approach

My husband is worried about stigma, about Owen feeling different, about epilepsy being part of his identity. Those are sweet concerns, really. And I get it — I love the kid too. I’d never want to... Read...
Eliana Osborn    |   05.10.16 12am   |   SHARE
I'll pass on the Pledge, thanks.

I Don't Say The Pledge Of Allegiance And I Want My Kids To Stop

I’m not a fan of repeating things over and over so that they lose their meaning. "Pledge: a solemn promise or agreement." It is that extra level, the solemnity, that makes me uncomfortable with... Read...
Eliana Osborn    |   05.5.16 12am   |   SHARE
I am telling the truth. Aren’t I?

That Time I Took A Lie Detector Test

I’m terrified of wrongful imprisonment. To be the only one who knows the truth and have to live every day in a cell, wondering, why, god, why? [...] Sitting hooked up for gadgets to monitor every... Read...
Eliana Osborn    |   05.3.16 12am   |   SHARE
There is no one activity undertaken every single day that will guarantee a healthy, non-annoying, responsible child. Image: Thinkstock.

7000 Days Of Parenting Is 'All' You Have — But Everything's Going To Be Fine, I Promise.

There are some days of parenting that are magical, full of unicorns and four leaf clovers and lottery winnings. Those are the moments when I catch myself, just for a second, feeling content and happy... Read...
Eliana Osborn    |   04.28.16 12am   |   SHARE
If he were an asshole to my kids, things would be easier. But he’s not. Image: Thinkstock.

When Your Children's Grandpa Is A Jerk, How Do You Keep Your Cool?

If he were an a--hole to my kids, things would be easier. But he’s not. He’s good with them. He’s his best self. It makes me alternately happy and heartbroken.
Eliana Osborn    |   04.26.16 12am   |   SHARE
"Hatch baby"? Image: Thinkstock.

Just Say No To Baby Tech

I get how we want to make our kids successful and everything, right from the start. Feeding into the pressure, here’s the tagline from Starling’s company: “The world’s first word-tracking system that... Read...
Eliana Osborn    |   04.21.16 12am   |   SHARE