IHOP Changed Their Name To IHOb — I Call Bullsh*t

In what might be the most absurd marketing move ever, IHOP has changed their name to IHOb. (The ‘b’ is lowercase which makes no sense.)

The restaurant formerly known as the International House of Pancakes will henceforth be known as the International House of Burgers.

I had to check the calendar; surely it’s April 1st.

Alas, this is not a joke.

More like, International House Of Bad Marketing — I guess that would be IHObm.

Which is only slighty less catchy IHOb, which sounds like the linguistic equivalent of an ostrich trying to walk around in high heels…

Yes, IHOP has technically always served burgers among other lunch and dinner items. Those things have also always been terrible. What soulless husk of a human being orders a burger at IHOP? There are pancakes with PIECES OF CHEESECAKE IN THEM on the menu, for fuck's sake.

I’m no marketing expert, but there are so many options that are not BURGERS. Breakfast. Brunch. Bacon. Bagels. Baguettes. Beignet (for our French friends).

Bullshit.

Bitches.

Bankruptcy?

From their website: “That’s right. We’re the International House of Burgers now. Our new Ultimate Steakburgers, made with All-Natural, 100% USDA Choice Black Angus Beef, are un-burgerin’-believable.”

They are made out of Angus Beef, which makes it better somehow? What even is Angus Beef? All cows stand around in their shit all day. Does it really matter which shit-standing cow becomes your hamburger?

I was, in fact, at IHOP just yesterday while the buzz about the new Top Secret Name was at full apex. I asked our usual waitress what she thought the new name might be. She looked at me like I was a lunatic (and, I mean, to be fair, I am). I don’t think she even knew the name was changing, but she does know my standard breakfast order (pancake combo, scrambled eggs, bacon) and the fact that I like the tiniest glass of whole milk for my coffee (which she never charges me for), so I don’t really care if she knows she is about to go from breakfast to burger.

Do you know how much it costs to feed a family of seven at IHOb? Given that pancakes cost like five cents to make, way too much. Why peddle burgers when you can make $97.52 (not including tip) selling flour, eggs, and weak coffee? I DO NOT KNOW.

I understand rebranding, I do. We’ve done it at Ravishly. Our tagline used to be “because life is better when you’re not alone” and then changed to “feelings, family, feminism.” That’s rebranding. But burgers? From the place that literally specializes in pancakes? No. 

THAT IS NOT REBRANDING; that’s just a bad decision. 


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