Hot Dogs Are People And Bacon Will Kill You –– Or Not

ICYMI over the weekend: hot dogs are basically people and bacon will kill you (because cancer). But, before you run to the bathroom to puke out your human DNA containing hot dog while sobbing over delicious bacon, let me clear up a few misconceptions. 

First of all, human DNA is pretty much everywhere. Humans are kind of gross and leave behind microscopic blizzards of hair and skin everywhere. Basically anything you eat likely contains human DNA –– and bug parts. Don't forget the bugs. That said, if you're a vegetarian, you might want to skip the fake hot dogs because 10% of those studied contained meat. Awkward. 

Meanwhile, it isn't just bacon that's being targeted by the World Health Organization (WHO) for causing cancer. Any and all processed meats now carry the same warning, and red meat has been elevated to the status of "possibly" causing cancer. Before you panic, however, prior studies have linked an elevated cancer risk in processed meats to the nitrates used in the curing process, not the meats themselves.

While nitrates are found in the majority of processed meats, it's easy enough to select uncured and nitrate free meats that do not contain any of these cancer-causing monstrosities. This means that sweet, sweet, delicious bacon is probably not going to give you cancer as long as you spend roughly 30 seconds reading labels at the grocery store. 

Since red meat's cancer-causing properties are still being studied, I suggest you rush out right this minute to grab a burger before that, too, is snatched away in the name of science.

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