I define myself by the truths I live by. Today, I’m turning 35. Here are 10 Truths I’ve learned that make me who I am. I offer them to you, with love.
I do not have this all figured out. I thought by middle age I would, but nope.
I’d like to teach a high school class called “Sh*t You Should Know To Be An Adult.” There's so much you should've learned in high school.
I have no idea what I’m doing. On any given day, at any given moment, I am so thoroughly and genuinely confused about what is happening.
If I wanted to start being vulnerable with the people I love again, I needed to figure out when my avoidance began and why.
Why can't I be vulnerable as an adult? Despite my fears of vulnerability, some part of me knew it was the key to having fulfilling intimate relationships.
When I was a kid, my dad and I didn’t spend much time together. He was always taking my brother on weekend trips to go fishing, or waking him up when it was still dark to go deer-hunting, but I never wanted to go.
When I told him that I caught a Mantine, he wrote back, Yeah, I think I caught four or five of them today. I didn’t mind—for the first time in my life, my dad and I were talking without a mediator. He called around Thanksgiving to tell me that a new Pokémon had been added. He checked in again during a special water event in the game and said, Are you catching the fire out of these water Pokémon?
But what can be said for the day upon which I am no longer enough? I dread that day.
Becoming an adult didn’t magically open me up to their world and their psyche as I thought it would. Even having children of my own did little to unravel the mystery of my parents, because I wasn’t really interested in exploring honestly. I have always been concerned with who my parents were in relation to me, not who they were on their own.
You can’t change a fuckboy.
Here’s the absolute truth: you cannot change a fuckboy unless he wants to change by himself. This is where girls get messed up. They think that a guy is going to change his crappy behavior for HER. This is not the case 99.9% of the time. If he’s a fuckboy, he’s not ready to stop being one. It doesn’t matter how great you are or how much you love him. Trust me.
He has to make that decision for himself.
In the wake of America's "crisis of adulthood" and in the middle of a city known for Peter Pan Syndrome, I find myself feeling that I too have gotten an extension on my adolescence. It has become a time for me to heal, center myself in a way I never could in childhood, and figure out what I want for my life.